Dead Ever After: A Sookie Stackhouse Novel (Sookie Stackhouse/True Blood)

Dead Ever After - Charlaine Harris Sookie is back. And people want to kill her. For reasons (don’t ask what they are, I barely know, the book certainly doesn’t know. But then again they may have met her for 10 minutes, that could be motive enough)Which means every character this 13 book series has ever had since the very beginning decides to pop in to wave and say hi, most of them leaving again, others staying for breakfast. Sookie whines and complains and whines and complains and whines some more with an extra side order of how awful all woman are except the Sookzilla are.And then badness happens, convoluted rescue and Sookie ends up shagging someone half of fandom hates.What you wanted a real recap? Seriously, there’s nothing to recap. Some random guys decide they hate Sookie and try to destroy her in a fashion that makes your average Scooby Doo villain look direct and simple. Arlene is sprung out of prison is evil and bad, dies and Sookie is framed – inelegantly – for her murder that would never have stuck anyway. Everyone rallies round the wonderful Sookie. Sookie is her usual nasty self and whines about her love life while doing nothing.Let me preface this review with a point: I know a lot of fans are giving this book low ratings because they are absolutely horrified, shocked and appalled that Sookie didn’t end up with their lover of choice. So upset, in fact, that some of them have lost their ever loving minds.So let me be clear, I do not care who Sookie ends up with. No, no, I do, but only in a sense of wanting to know which man to pity, which man is forced to bite the bullet, and which men manage to flee from the Sookzilla and escape her clutches.That said, her relationship is frankly the least reason I dislike this book – what with the writing, the broken plot, the ridiculous characterisations and, of course, Sookie herself.Firstly, since this is the last book in the series, every character there has ever been showed up to wave and say hi. These characters fit into two categories – men who turned up to remind us how awful all the other women in their lives were compared to the precious Sookie (Sam runs down his lovers – the Maenad, Jannalyn, both worse than Sookie. Quinn reflects on the mother of his child – who won’t let him nearby – and the sister Sookie disapproves of. Alcide has 1 out of three lovers Sookie found tolerable – and she’s dead). They all consider their past relationships – in some cases it’s the only reason they actually show up at all – just to remind us how wonderful and perfect Sookie is next to every other woman in the world ever.Of course, some women return to the fold as well – and there begins the grand apology genuflections for being women who have inevitably failed the perfect Sookzilla. Tara is there to apologise for how she failed her Sookieness and later Amelia shows up to do her own penitence at the altar of Sookie perfection. It’s pretty glaring when you compare the men returning to Sookie’s service and the women – the men reflect on how bad their women were, the women are penitent about what bad people they are, because no woman can ever match the Sookzilla, no woman is allowed to be her peer, they always have to be beneath her or lesser than her because she is Sookie, the special woman. And, of course, there’s the evil evil betraying Arlene who finally gets hers! And absolutely no-one is sorry about the death of a single mother because of what she did to Sookie, she knows because she read the bar’s minds and they’re all Team!Sookie.Even new women on the scene – like Ann and Sam’s mother – have to have their flaws paraded through Sookie’s mind to remind us how terribad wrong all other women are compared to the Sookzilla!It just adds to the general unpleasantness that is Sookie. I can’t emphasise this enough, but Sookie is a really really nasty person. Tara, her best friend who has just had twins, returns to Sookie’s life and some of her first thoughts are 1) Tara is more-than-curvy (and mentally commenting that Tara has put on 2 dress sizes, not one) and 2) that she isn’t grooming her eyebrows neatly any more. She also moans about Tara sending baby pictures of her newborn twins and even assumes one of Tara’s other friends must be relieved with Sookie taking Tara away to escape the dreaded scourge of baby picturesOr there’s her garden. Niall has blessed her garden to turn it into an Eden – it is lush and beautiful and stunning and thriving and has awesome tomato plants of infinite growth, constantly refreshing their super-perfect, amazing fruit. Sookie’s reaction? Oh it’s nice – but now she has to mow the lawn more often, damn it! Typical backfiring faerie gift! And he could have thrown in a protection circle! And she’s sick of tomatoes anyway!Read More