Velicious by Shelique Lize

Velicious: Is Sadistically & Irresistibly, Delicious! - Shelique Lize

Justice is going to college and trying to move on past a terrifying experience in her past – but when she visits a psychic on her 21st birthday, it’s a herald of old events returning and a whole new world of vampyres and hunters opening up to her.


She can’t go back to a normal life, however she tries to, but at least there are plenty of sexy guys along the way

 

 

 

I think what this book needed more than anything else was a proof reader and an editor – the lack of both shows sadly and it really hurts the story.

 

The most obvious indication of this comes from quite a few errors in the text – there’s a fair amount of malapropisms or bad spellcheck (“were” instead of “we’re” and engine is “revived” rather than “revved” and there’s some rather bizarre conjuration of the verb “bound”). Some of the sentences were really oddly structured and clearly missing words that just cried out for a good read through and edit. The tense shifted a lot as well, even mid conversation we’d have one person urgently in the present tense but the person he’s speaking to is happily delivering his lines in a more laid back past tense. It doesn’t help make the book readable.


Next to that we also have some more common and less glaring issues – like severe word abuse and over-elaborate and convoluted dialogue and too much thesaurus thumbing (most people “think”, it’s rarely necessary for them to “ponder” and people can talk, all this mumbling is unnecessary).

 

But the lack of line editing underscores that this whole book could have used a polish – someone to read through it and say things like “this isn’t necessary” or “who is this person? Why are they here?” or “Chekhov’s gun needs to apply” because it really needs it.

 

Take the characters – this is a 216 page book. In that relatively short book I have Justice (also – unless she has a cape and super-powers “Justice” is a bad choice of name) the protagonist. Her big sister Mya, her little sister Kailah, her two best friends Audrina and Nicolle. Audrina’s on-and-off boyfriend Anthony. Justice’s ex, Calvin and a possible love interest Chace. And Jordan. I have no real idea where Jordan fits into things but the does. And there’s Justice’s ex-friend Erin.

 

Then there’s Calvin and his team: Jessica, Bianca, Kyle, Vincent and Jonathon. Then there’s the actual vampyres (yes with a “y”), Dante, Marquis, Angel, Chalice, Tayce and Nolanna. And odd psychic Selena

 

That’s about 16 significant and 5 potentially significant characters in a 216 page book. And I say significant for a reason because there’s a whole lot more names we pass by. Normally that’d be understandable, don’t make extras nameless nobodies – but there is such a soup of names here that when Justice describes someone going past one of her sorority sister’s rooms using their names I’m suddenly wondering if these are more characters I’ve missed and who exactly they are.

 

 

 

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Source: http://www.fangsforthefantasy.com/2015/01/velicious-by-shelique-lize.html